Monday, August 22, 2011

My Mother's Love


I can't explain the exact color but every single hospital in the early eighties had some part of that green.

It was the color of the walls.

It was the color of the vomit bowls.

It was the color of the scrubs that the nurses wore.

To this day... twenty eight years later that color makes me nauseous, slams me back to my eighteen month old self and I feel a weight on my heart.

Eighteen months, my very first memory. It  may seem young but I have been remembering it over and over in my head for years.

 I was hospitalized with croup, not the first time I slept over at the hospital and not the last time either. My poor mother.

I remember lying in a crib. I remember there was a child in a bed crying on my right hand side. I see my mother and she is at the door leaving. I am crying, reaching out to her, needing her.

She had to go. My sisters were at home and she had to be with them, my father had to go to work.

I remember my mother standing in the doorway, and she waved. I remember she was crying.

Every time that memory surfaces it breaks my heart a little. As I grow older I can better understand my mother's complete sadness that she had to leave.

My very first memory- the love of my mother.

This was a prompt from The Lightning and the Lightning-Bug.
Your first memory.


Patty said...

Until I read this, I almost forgot about when my tonsils were removed; that awful, sterile, cold green which matched the stark children's ward in the hospital. Nurses who didn't console crying children, stopping only to give lemon sherbert to those, like me, who were crying with painful sore throats after their surgeries...and for their mothers.

Excellent response to this prompt!

May said...

My very first memory-the love of my mother.

Wow! What more could a person hope for?
I love that you ended the prompt with that line. The image of her in the doorway crying moved me for that very reason. She was caught between her love for you and her love for your siblings and trying to be the best mom she could be. So, feeling the desire and need to be two places at once is nothing new to moms. Wonderful post.

Lady Jennie said...

(sob) This is so poignant - that you and your mom would have to go through this and that you would remember it.