Sunday, June 5, 2011

My Promise

Dearest Jonathan,

Never in my life have I wanted time to slow down. The radio keeps blaring 103 days of summer promotions and the only thoughts that go through my mind are...only 103 days. I can feel my heart beginning to break.

One Sunday morning, October 15th, 2006 I sat beside you in our family sedan. Your Grammie was in the passenger seat and your Daddy was driving. You were new..brand new. Not even 60 hours old. We were taking you home from the hospital. Your father reached for the cell phone to call some friends to tell them about your arrival. He was so excited about having a new baby he almost didn't know what to do with himself. When he went to dial the number I asked him to wait until we arrived home before he called anyone. I only wanted him to concentrate on driving, we were carrying such precious cargo. He looked at me in the rear view mirror and I saw in his eyes the same feeling that I carried upon my soul. We solemnly swore we would always take care and protect you from all the evils of the world. So my heart is breaking.

Since the day we took you home from the hospital I have stayed at home to raise you and Destyni. I worked, but only from home. The longest that you have been away from me is less than two full days. In September you start school. You leave me and I don't know what to do. When I think of Autumn I get this feeling of great sadness mixed with great happiness. You are taking your first stepping stone into the journey that will belong to you and the legacy of your life. I will let go but not easily.

I want to go to your school and meet your teacher. I want to tell her/him how special you are. That you play hard like a boy but within your ribs lies a golden heart brimming with sweet emotion. I want to tell your teacher that if anyone is mean to you I have to know right away, I want a phone call, I want details, I want to know how you responded. I want to give your teacher my cell phone with strict instructions that as soon as you look like you need a hug to call me and I will be there in moments.

I don't know how I am going to go shopping and buy you a pair of indoor sneakers and never know how you scuffed them up. I don't know how to pack your lunch knowing that you won't be sitting at the table eating it with me and telling me everything you want to do in the afternoon. I don't know how to put your backpack on your tiny shoulders and walk with you to school. I don't know how my arms are going to let go and let you walk through those double doors, into a world so foreign to the one you are used to.

I know that you are ready for school. You have been ready for a few weeks now. By the end of the summer you will be so ready that you may not sleep the night before school. Neither will I sweet Jonathan.

I hope that the sun takes just a few more minutes rising and the moon decides to look down upon Earth for a few more moments each night, because I only have 103 days.

14 comments:

Erica M said...

What a sweet post! I love the photos of your family in your sidebar. Alyson looks like a little firecracker :)

Anastasia said...

I felt the exact same way last year. I hope it doesn't feel this way every fall.

Valerie @ My-2-cents said...

Hello, I am a new follower. I would love it if you would visit my blog and follow me back at Valerie @ My-2-Cents

Thank you
Have a blessed week!

Mama on a Green Mission said...

So sweet!! I love letters to kids from mommies! I write to my son on my blog too! :) New follower from the hop! I'd love it if you can stop by and follow back when you get a moment! I also wanted to invite you to our Super Stalker Sunday bloghop going on today! Hope to see you there!

Have a great day!

April @ Mama on a Green Mission
http://greenmissionmama.blogspot.com/2011/06/welcome-to-superstalkersunday-bloghop.html

Rachel said...

That is so sweet! It sounds like he will be getting all of the love and support that he needs :)

Miss365 said...

I really hope he gets to read this as a grown up and appreciate how much you love him. :)

Hope you get lots of comment love today ( and you should with a beautiful post like this one! )

xMiss365

Frugal in WV said...

Great post. My oldest starts kindergarten in august :( New follower from the sundae hop, have a great week! You can find me at
http://wvfrugal-wvsaver.blogspot.com/

May said...

My middle one heads to college in Aug. Same feelings all over again! But it is so amazing watching the person they will be start to reveal him/herself.

Sarah said...

What a sweet post. It must be so hard to let a child go like that - but at least it's in a way that will better him right? Can't wait to hear about his school adventures!

Jenny said...

Awww cute post :D

Victoria KP said...

Lovely post! After I dropped off my son at preschool for the first time I got so startled seeing the empty car seat in the rear view mirror. He had never been out of my sight before! You (and he!) will be fine :-).

Jen said...

Oh, I can so relate to this. It goes too fast. Two of mine are in school now, and I cry every year on the first day of school. Enjoy your 103 days!!
Found you through Sunday Funday...New follower :)

Kindred Adventures said...

What a great new beginning. My oldest starts kindergarten in the fall to. I find myself excited and nervous for all the opportunities she has waiting for her. Wonderful letter of sadness for the loss of your pre-schooler and looking forward to kindergarten -Laverne visiting from Kindred Adventures via Sunday Funday

Leigh Ann said...

How sweet! I have no idea how I'll react when my now 3 year old twins start kinder, or even preschool. I love how you want the teacher to call you if he needs a hug. If only we could hover nearby in those cases.