Gone Baby Gone

My sweet, sweet daughter. As I sit down and try and find time to write this I am stuck somewhere between tears and laughter, I don't know what will come first. What I do know is that I feel torn,  pulled in more than a few directions.

In five days, you will be four. I have watched you grow every single step of the way since you made your grand rushed entry into our world. I have carried you, snuggled you, sang you a thousand songs while holding you to my heart and feeling yours beat within mine. We knew you would be our last baby, we knew that you would be the end knot in our family link but we didn't  really know what we signed up for.

 

 Maybe somewhere in the back of my mind I thought you were never really going to grow up, you would stay small and young until I was ready for you to climb slowly and cautiously over the  milestones. But one day I blinked and there you were, looking at me with those big beautiful hazel eyes, your wave of red hair and holding out your hand you said,  "Come on, Mommy." You were leading me somewhere, you were taking my hand. I think back and wonder when it happened, when I let my guard down and life swooped in taking away my baby and leaving me with a child.

I watched you so closely but completely lost sight of what I knew was coming. So as our family will gather around you, watching your eyes sparkle with the candles that you can't wait to blow out,  I will be holding on to you, hoping that the next four years crawl by. My baby, my sweet, sweet baby.