Sunday, January 30, 2011

Shower and A Knife!!

I am not sure when it happened, or even where it happened. But it did. Right before my eyes and I didn't even notice until this week. My little boy is growing up. And not the new stages of learning to crawl then walk, burble than speak. Nope, this is growing up into a boy who is almost ready for school. And I am having more mixed emotions then I know what to do with.


Jonathan was a late bloomer, which was just fine with me. There are five years between Destyni and Jonathan so I didn't mind that it took him longer to speak and walk. While it took him a while to grasp walking and talking he always had amazing dexterity skills. He was able to place blocks on blocks before he was six months old. It was so amazing to watch him play, sitting up on his own and lining things up and on top of each other.


I am trying to get mentally prepared for Jonathan leaving me in September to go to school. He has been home with me since birth so this adjustment will be hard. A part of me thinks he isn't ready to start just yet but it's probably more so because I am not ready. He can't stop talking about starting school, there has been a backpack hanging in my closet for months just waiting to be placed on some little eager scholars shoulders. And with a very sad heart I know that little scholar will be mine. My youngest boy.


Maybe Jonathan senses this, maybe he knows that Mommy isn't really ready for him to enter into the world that he will take part of for at least twelve years. I believe this to be true. This week he is preparing me. He is doing things that will make the adjustment easier for both of us. On the weekend I was getting baths ready for the children. I bathed Alsyon and called up Jonathan for his bath. I asked him jokingly if he wanted to shower today. He has never been a fan of showers and had at that time never showered by himself. But to my surprise, when I asked him if he wanted to shower he said, "Yes Mommy, I am a big boy now."
The same night at dinner he told us that he was a big boy now and could use a knife. So I went into the kitchen opened the knife drawer as my body went into auto pilot while my mind replayed memories.  Holding Jonathan in the hospital room for the very first time, walking him from the living room to the kitchen for hours while he was colicky. I remembered the cute little noises that he used to always make when he was content in his crib. His first tooth, words and steps.

Being a Mom is hard, the hardest job there is. Shaping little minds into wonderful beings. Teaching values, morals, manners, and lessons. Getting up in them middle of the night for a soother, turn off a light, tuck ins and kisses. But the hardest bits are the ones that are completely out of my control. The letting go bits. I am not so good at it. I promised I would give all my children wings so that they could fly...but just between us I think that I'll put a GPS on their wings, so I will always know where they are.

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